“Anything I don’t agree with in this message was inserted for the sake of the rhyme scheme.”
I’m just gritting my teeth as I’m waiting
For an end to this Survey campaign;
It’s the first thing I’ve found that’s as grating
As the e-mails from Barry S. Kane.
If you’re wanting an accurate rating,
You had really much better refrain,
Or you might find it slightly… deflating.
(I hope I shan’t have to explain.)
Some may say Kirkland’s beating the rest out,
Some may say that the survey’s a cinch,
Some may get a hilarious jest out:
”Looks like Whoville is missing a Grinch!”
But I’m sick and I’m stuck and I’m stressed out
And I’m feeling the crunch and the pinch.
If you send even one more request out —
Well, I promise you won’t get an inch.
(Backstory: People have taken harassment over completing the House Life Survey to new extremes; now there’s some sort of friendly-ish competition over participation rate between Kirkland and Pfoho. Suddenly we’re expected to do the survey as a sign of house pride or house spirit, or in order to be dubbed a “manly man”, or maybe just to get the stream of personalized e-mails to stop.)
(Also, I’d written half of a third verse, which would’ve capped it more neatly, but I was advised to stop at two, and I think I agree.)
