Showing posts tagged wordplay
“
I’m always hunting for the perfect word. When I find it I’ll shoot it with an elephant gun and mount its prefix over my mantle.

My favorite dangling modifier today: "[... Kiran Deol '06] decided to write a novella about a young girl fighting in the civil war for her thesis requirement."

So I went to the job fair, but they didn’t give me a job. I haven’t been so disappointed since I went to the state fair.

Out of town Friday; out of touch Saturday; out of excuses Sunday.

  • (name redacted): Oh, I've been using the wrong terminology about matrices!
  • "Invertible" doesn't mean you can't vert it!

Two statements without proof:

  1. Disease names of four or more syllables are generally funny (e.g. “diphtheria”).
  2. Disease names of fewer than four syllables can generally be made funny by prepending “the” (e.g. I would refuse to die of swine flu, but I’d be okay if I died of _the_ swine flu).

“

CORRECTION

The Sept. 4 news article “Google Donates Cell Phones to CS Classes” misquoted David J. Malan ‘99 as referring to the language used by the Android cell phones as a “dragon drop programming piece.” In fact, he said it was a “drag and drop programming piece.”

The Crimson corrections, 9/8/09: http://www.thecrimson.com/article.aspx?ref=528775

Another reason I should probably be put out of everyone else's misery

  • John: I think I'm going to take Physics 95. I really like it. It's about improving your presentation skills.
  • Brian: Oh, kinda like how in the CS department we've got a class on networking.

A Love-Haiku

(By Brian)

Roses are red. Vi-
Olets are blue. Sugar is
Sweet, and so are you.

Played 7 times
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

Awesome with a Capital A

Deadly as a rattlesnake and smart like a fox,
When you see me coming, start a-changin’ your locks.
Volatile and bulletproof — get out of my way,
I’m absolutely Awesome with a capital A.

A for the amazement that I constantly see,
A for all the avid admiration of me,
A for the attention that you’ve all gotta pay
To someone who’s this Awesome with a capital A.

Hey-hey, I’m Awesome with a capital A,
Hey-hey, I’m Awesome with a capital A.
And there’s nothing you can do to me and nothing to say
That would make me less than Awesome with a capital A.

A for my audacity, aplomb, and abandon,
A for all the agony you’re fixin’ to land in.
I got an A for effort, but I gave it away,
That’s part of being Awesome with a capital A.

Hey-hey, I’m Awesome with a capital A,
Hey-hey, I’m Awesome with a capital A.
They tell me it’s the drinkin’, I should stop it, they say,
AA’s not even awesome with a lowercase a.

A for accusations, now you’re acting like I’m
A already guilty of a capital crime,
A for my affections — if they’re starting to stray,
It’s all because I’m Awesome with a red letter A.

Hey-hey, I’m Awesome with a capital A,
Hey-hey, I’m Awesome with a capital A.
I might be doing better if you’d chosen to stay,
But hey, I’m doing Awesome with a capital A.

(Audio: as read by the author, if the author were a serial killer (and who’s to say he’s not?).)

Last six songs on my Pandora, in order:

  • Imagine (Lennon)
  • Rocky Raccoon (Beatles)
  • Oh My Love (Lennon)
  • Live and Let Die (McCartney)
  • All My Loving (live performance by McCartney, orig. the Beatles)
  • Revolution (Beatles)
  • Help! (Not the song, the interjection.)

Oh, CSCI S-1, you light up my life. Did I say “light”? I meant “eat”.

“
Shiyu: so i have a question
can you pun on gotterdammerung
me: Heavens, no!

Parody someone else needs to write so I can act disapproving: “White Rabbit” with “ask” changed to “see” (i.e., “Go Cialis”). Go look it up, I’ll wait.

(embed: “White Rabbit”, Jefferson Airplane)

(Yes, I realize it’s also the correct term for a member of a fraternity.)

(Yes, I realize it’s also the correct term for a member of a fraternity.)